Roadtripping by Conni Massing

Author:Conni Massing
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-926972-15-2
Publisher: Brindle & Glass
Published: 2011-01-17T00:00:00+00:00

The rabble in the rubble at Frank Slide.

PHOTO: PATTI PON

TWELVE

ON THE EDGE OF DESTRUCTION

(Crowsnest Pass Part III)

PRESENT:

Conni, Robert, Brian, Richard, Stephen, Tyler, Patti, Norma

ABSENT:

Bob, Kevin.

TOUR MOTTO: Get in, Get out, Get Huge!

So. As I was saying . . . Friday night we dine and dine and dine in Calgary, spending about a quarter as much—in total—as it would cost us to fix the van since the roof rack debacle was subsequently ruled to be an inadmissible claim. (I am going to write a whole other book about the f@#king useless nature of vehicle insurance, I swear. Apparently there’s a big problem with people willfully ripping the roof racks off their rental vehicles, so the insurance companies had to disallow that as an expense. Darn that Patti and her taste for vandalism.)

Saturday morning: Proceeding southwest from Calgary, we drop in on Okotoks, and return to High River. This is where we made a flying stop in 2000, opting for John Paul’s restaurant recommendation rather than a leisurely stroll to view the town’s famous murals.

Speaking of John Paul, there’s a rumour he’s doing his own road trip this year, with a couple of friends from Calgary. It’s bound to be a thousand times more posh than anything we do, although it could be tricky to find John Paul’s favourite Camembert at the IGA grocery store in Rocky Mountain House. We have a very good time imagining the “other” road trip. I think we half-expect to encounter a Lincoln Navigator on some back road, containing John Paul and some well-heeled compatriots sipping Chardonnay and watching Barry Lyndon on their built-in DVD player.

Anyhow . . . High River is a lovely, not-so-little town of about ten thousand souls at the junction of Highways 2 and 23, alongside the Highwood River. Claims to fame include being the birthplace of former Prime Minister Joe Clark, and a series of murals painted on walls all around town, commemorating various historical events. The Buffalo Gals make history in High River too, by spilling a zillion dollars worth of expensive coffee beans on Main Street. (Although Stephen no longer lives in Edmonton, he does love his Java Jive coffee beans—a year’s supply was in the back of the van at the time of the incident.) We scoop up coffee beans for a long while, attracting the attention of curious and incredulous locals. We buy a hat for Norma and then have lunch, as it would probably be at least an hour before we hit Longview beef jerky. (Lord knows no one in this crew needs any more beef—we’re only doing this to support the ranchers. I swear.)

It should be noted that this is also the year of the very first scrapbook, purchased in the Saan store in High River. (Some clever clog also thought to bring felt pens and glue sticks.) I really do not feel this report would be complete without including some of the searing insights therein.

Day One of Patti’s Control Trip (Journal Entry by Richard)

We met at 9-10-11 for an early escape.

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